It has been extremely hard over the past couple of years in relation to my daughter Kayla* who is 14 years old. My ex-husband and I split up from a short term relationship when our daughter Kayla was only 3 months old. We used to fight a lot, constantly yelling and screaming, we were young and were not ready to be parents. Not only that, our daughter did not come home from hospital for a number of weeks as she was born premature. Kayla used to cry all the time, I could not settle her and she had several health problems. I felt all alone back then, not supported by anyone. My ex husband left us without much notice. He contacted me when Kayla was 5 years old, eventually he started seeing her every 2nd weekend which Kayla liked.
I had moved in with my husband Tim when Kayla was 4 years old, and we got married 3 years later. Tim has 3 kids of his own, and we have 2 boys together who are now 5 and 3 (Kayla’s little brothers). Kayla refused to live with us anymore when she started high school. It was heartbreaking, Kayla would not even come to visit us. We had been arguing a lot, but I could not understand why this was happening. I would tell her in text messages how much I love her, but she would not respond. I did not know what to do, so I spoke to Mirror Bridge as I saw that they specialise in family relationships. The worker Dean initially took some time to listen to my story and did not rush into the next stage.
It was suggested to me that Family Dispute Resolution (parenting mediation) could be of help. With my permission Kayla’s dad was contacted, and from there we had 2 separate sessions where we could talk about Kayla. Kayla knew we were having these sessions. Eventually it was decided that her voice needed to be heard a lot more than it had been in the past. There have been small steps made, but I feel like I have my daughter back. We have started hanging out, and I have had the chance share with her more about the things I struggled with as a parent when I was younger.
Kayla, now 14 years old, has started to talk about how she has felt the odd one out with my husband, his kids, and her two brothers who she has missed a lot. Kayla now spends some time playing with her brothers every couple of weeks. She still wants to live with her Dad, but I am hoping to be able to have her stay with me several nights a fortnight, however I know that we need to go at Kayla’s pace and not push this. Kayla seems happier, she has been seeing a counsellor the last few years, and I have also appreciated accessing additional one on one support through Mirror Bridge which helps a lot. I just call and make an appointment when I need one.
*Names have been changed to protect privacy
